Girl’s Gift Guide for the Geek Guy 2005

Items that can only be found during the holiday season should be avoided like an anthrax milkshake. Advertisers have somehow brainwashed the buying public that certain items are “perfect” Christmas gifts when they are nothing more than novelty items that will break within the year. Who ever thought that a Norelco electric shaver was a good gift? Listed are items that girls should never buy their men for Christmas under any circumstances:

	Gifts to avoid category comments 1. Music CDs your man probably already has more pirated MP3 music than you could possibly think of. Even if there’s something he doesn’t have he can download it in 10 minutes. A pack of DVD-Rs is better 2. Norelco shavers, shaving accessories, hot lather machines, electric toothbrushes, or any hygiene products Now is not the time to drop hints that he could braid his nose hair 3. exercise videos or exercise equipment You tryin’ to say somthing? 4. wallets, watches, and executive pen sets why don’t you have “LAME” engraved in it while you’re at Timeless Keepsakes 5. Sweaters We’re geeks… a nice T-shirt will be fine 6. anything with “radio” and “clock” in its description …and avoid getting them any place with “radio” and “shack” in the name, too 7. a gift basket of anything …unless it’s a basket of porn 8. cologne says “I want you to smell like my last boyfriend / dead husband” 9. any clothing depicting Christmas no GAY apparel 10. BBQ equipment You’re thinking about your JOCK boyfriend. We’re geeks… 11. Any bed or bath item absolutely no electric towel warmers, Shower CD player with fogless shaving mirror, soap caddies, shower gels, exfoliating crèmes, sponges, or bath salts.

Now is listed the absolute “death” gift. These are perfectly adequate for the aunt who sends you tubesocks every year, the clueless Uncle or even your second cousin by marriage. But never for your Man (unless you are currently going through a divorce or child custody dispute). These gifts didn’t fly when our mothers bought them for us, and they won’t work from our wives / girlfriends!

• A Chia Pet
• The Clapper
• McDonald’s Gift Certificates (that new ArchCard counts, too)
• Homemade sweater
• Tube socks
• Ties
• Sausage Sample pack
• bath robe
• Coin bank
• Any board game (even it it IS Star Wars Monopoly)
• Anything that has the “As Seen on TV” label.

Women and men really aren’t all that different after all. Girls like something shiny, sparkly and expensive (jewelry) and men are also captivated by something shiny, sparkly and expensive (blinking lights on their tricked-out RAM).

All the money you spend on all those “meaningful” little nuggets o’ crap could be pooled to buy the one big thing that he will remember for years to come. I have no idea all the little things my wife bought me for Christmas over the years, but I will always remember the Xbox, and so will she. Women want their gift to be memorable, so give in to what they really want, not what you want them to have. In doing so, you will create lots of those memories that you like to cache away in your scrapbook collection.

If you absolutely cannot find anything from this guide, then just don’t buy anything. Every geek knows that zero is way better than being in the negative. If you can’t find the perfect electronic gadget, then don’t rule out that “full body massage”.