Women generally don’t know what to buy their men, or they want to buy something “personal” or “meaningful”. Men would like something meaningful, too – we just wish you embraced how personal a stick of RAM could be. “Remember the night we shared our first motherboard together, honey?”
Some of the stuff we just need, but wouldn’t want as a gift, like a new motherboard or video card. We will buy these items ourselves. There are lots of other items girls feel their men need (like Dr. Phil’s latest self-improvement tapes or hair-grow gel or diet pills), but Christmas is not the time to introduce these things. Save this issues for another time… a nose hair trimmer is NEVER the right answer, even if we desperately need it. Giving us a new wallet, watch or desk pen set isn’t going to win you any “girlfriend of the year” awards either…
Some of the best gifts are things we want but don’t know we want. My wife bought me a new Xbox the year they came out, and I didn’t think I wanted one. I was a PC gamer and there really was no appeal to the Xbox. Then I found out they could be hacked. It was one of the best Christmas gifts I’ve ever received, that is until my son claimed it as his own. You have to find something he hasn’t seen before, because what men see, they covet. What they covet, they buy themselves without telling you.
Try to find some personal meaning in the technology gifts you buy. There are lots of techno toys that are really neat, but men would never spend that much money on themselves. If your man is a programmer, then try some office toys from the Sharper Image or similar store. Their products are way over-priced and completely useless, much like your 100 pairs of shoes and French-manicured press-on nails. Men like to be pampered, too, but in a different way. We would love to be lavished by that black leather massage chair… or pleasantly awoken on Christmas morning with a “full body massage”
Defining the perfect gift.
That ripped coloring-book page or wrinkled watercolor painting that your kids made will always be treasured, and we will lovingly tack them to our cubicle walls with pride. But we’re after what men REALLY want. If your man doesn’t happen to be the father of your kids, then you’ve got bigger problems that can’t be addressed in this article. Perhaps you should get advice from Dr. Phil during your next appointment (or Jerry Springer, whomever you see first).
I’ll tell you the secret to the perfect Christmas gift. I really shouldn’t be revealing this, as the other men in the club will probably lynch me in the parking lot for sharing this with you. The truth is men don’t want you to know the Secret of the Perfect Gift. That way we can spend our money all year on what we really want, while you feel guilty that you can never find the perfect birthday, anniversary or Christmas gift. Women feel disappointed that they can never please their man, and want to express their love for you with a personal tangible item. Men’s taste is an enigma that cannot be understood by those of the female persuasion. We want you to be in the dark, oblivious, wearing your guilt around your shoulders like a familiar designer scarf: that way we can ride the Guilt Train all year and buy the things we really want.
If you are searching for a tangible expression of your feelings, then we must move on to the only thing a man desires. No, not food. Not that other thing either (both of these are given). I’m talking about ELECTRONICS!
“But electronics can’t express my love like a Hallmark card can!” you say… Well I’m here to share with you how to make electronics “personal”….
Some of the more meaningful gifts are things you are not likely to find in your retail store. You’ll probably have to shop around on Ebay to find these items, but that will make them all the more treasured by your lovable Geek. If your Geek is into a particular television show or movie, try getting autographed photos or movie posters. You can find lots of autographed trading cards, photos and movie posters for Star Trek, Harry Potter, and Star Wars fans. Movie prop replicas are great too: either they were used as an actual prop or are a studio replica. You can find studio replicas of Star Wars lightsabers, X-files paraphenalia, Xena weapons and lots of other swag that your Geek will proudly display. I hear you can even get William Shatner’s autograph for cheap from his website (although you have to buy his new CD to get it, though).
Men would rather have one big gift rather than a bunch of little crap that will quietly find its way to the dumpster. Don’t try to get creative… finding the perfect gift is pretty simple. Identify the hobby your man is most interested in and get the most expensive thing in that category you can. Ask the salesman “what would make all of his friends jealous?”. If your geek is into video games, then sell your soul to obtain an Xbox 360 while they’re impossible to find. If your man wants a cell phone, don’t just get a regular phone, go for a Dell Axiom PocketPC with integrated phone. If your geek is into home theater, then don’t overlook that 60” plasma TV. Don’t worry about spending his money, either… he was going to buy it for himself right after Christmas anyway.
There are always exceptions to this rule. Get your man something that supports his hobby… if he’s into sports, photography, skating, or Satanism then this guide will not help you very much. We’re talking about hard-core geeks here, and their wants are pretty universal (if not stereotypical). An electronic dartboard or poker game may be a good “guy gift”, but is usually reserved for the sports freak, and not for the hardcore geek
Items that can only be found during the holiday season should be avoided like an anthrax milkshake. Advertisers have somehow brainwashed the buying public that certain items are “perfect” Christmas gifts when they are nothing more than novelty items that will break within the year. Who ever thought that a Norelco electric shaver was a good gift? Listed are items that girls should never buy their men for Christmas under any circumstances:
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- A Chia Pet
- The Clapper
- McDonald’s Gift Certificates (that new ArchCard counts, too)
- Homemade sweater
- Tube socks
- Ties
- Sausage Sample pack
- bath robe
- Coin bank
- Any board game (even it it IS Star Wars Monopoly)
- Anything that has the “As Seen on TV” label.
All the money you spend on all those “meaningful” little nuggets o’ crap could be pooled to buy the one big thing that he will remember for years to come. I have no idea all the little things my wife bought me for Christmas over the years, but I will always remember the Xbox, and so will she. Women want their gift to be memorable, so give in to what they really want, not what you want them to have. In doing so, you will create lots of those memories that you like to cache away in your scrapbook collection.
If you absolutely cannot find anything from this guide, then just don’t buy anything. Every geek knows that zero is way better than being in the negative. If you can’t find the perfect electronic gadget, then don’t rule out that “full body massage”.