The games listed in this article I continue to enjoy for some reason. It can’t be the graphics, as almost all of the systems have been upgraded or will be in the near future. Could it be that the plots and gameplay of these games have actually stood the test of time!? YES! They are exciting, revolutionary, and the best part, fun! Even though a few of these games have been out as long as ten years, I keep getting drawn back to them.
Many of us cannot afford to purchase a new game every few weeks. Shelling out $50-60 is not easy, especially for video games. (Especially those who mooch off of their mommas still…(or wives…)) For those looking for something to occupy us until the next big hit, I give you “Great Games for Cheap Bastards”!!
As a side note: I apologize to PC gamers! The only games I played before now on the computer were of “the Sims” genre… so all of these are for console platforms.
Nintendo 64
Yes, I know this system is outdated. However, I also know that many of the greatest games were produced only for this system! You can buy a N64 off of Ebay with a few controllers and many with several games for around forty to fifty bucks. Also, many of these games can be found at your local game store’s “game bin” in various conditions for a few bucks.
Release Date – 8/25/1997
Ebay $5
This is dedicated to everyone who has ever yelled “Don’t shoot me until I have a weapon!” or “no kneeling when your character is Oddjob! That’s cheating!”. Goldeneye is one of those games that you can pull out infront of your friends even now they will still think you’re cool. Why? Because in 6th grade this was the coolest game you could possibly play at one of your dopey 11 year-old parties! Even after all of this time, the multiplayer still draws a crowd. The immense amount of cheats (that were friggin’ hard to get!) kept this game fun, and the missions are still fun if you’re pursuing that 007 ranking. You can’t beat the fun this game packs for only $5.
Super Smash Brothers
Release Date – 4/27/1999
Ebay $5-10
Again, another one of those great classic party games. I’ve never enjoyed taking out my rage on stupid Pikachu so much! I do think the N64 version was easier to play that the Gamecube edition…. somehow the combos just make more sense. And somehow the extra characters just weren’t worth the trouble. And those challenge levels completely sucked. Oh, and who played that game for the story? Most of this game isn’t worth it, but the multiplayer is for five measly dollars.
Banjo-Kazooie
Release Date – 5/31/1998
Ebay $5
I’ve never been so occupied in my entire life as when I played Banjo-Kazooie. I remember begging my mom to let me rent this game over and over again, and because she kindly gave in, I believe I beat this game over fifteen times. Banjo-Kazooie is short, adventurous, and fun! And the best part (warning.. spoilers!) was that stupid board game at the end. AND they invented the most fun level of all time, you all know what I’m talking about, the one that changes seasons!! Also, I’ll never forget changing into a pumpkin in order to crawl down the witch’s toilet to retrieve a puzzle piece among piles of poo. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Go spend your lunch money on it. You won’t be sorry.
Conker’s Bad Fur Day
Release Date – 3/4/2001
Ebay $10
This game was released towards the end of the N64’s reign, and what a perfect title to end with. Conker’s Bad Fur Day is deliciously mature and raunchy, as well as really frickin’ easy to play. CBFD uses the “context sensitive” button excessively, which basically means that in any situation you are provided the tools you need by pressing “B” when a lightbulb appears over your head. Like I said, easy. Raunchy items include: chomping on caveman testicles, listening to an operatic “almighty poo”, dealing with hangovers, blowing up zombies, feeding helpless townspeople to a vampire, using a sunflower’s huge knockers as a diving board, a great deal of cussing, and a whole lot more. The game also spoofs “The Matrix” and “Saving Private Ryan” pretty extensively. Watch out or you might find yourself humming “I….am…. the great, mighty poo.”….
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Release Date – 11/24/1998
Ebay $7
If you’d rather not shell out the cash for the Gamecube’s updated version, the original will do JUST fine. Something is enticing about running around like a gay Peter Pan on a horse trying to save the princess who is an active transvestite. No matter that sometimes the graphics completely suck… it’s the story that matters!! Zelda: OoT is a looonnggg game. There are countless quests to be completed even though you’ve beaten the game. Damn, I just want that last golden spider for the bigger money pouch!! Also, sidequests are fun! I’ve never checked forums so often as when I was trying to figure out which lure to use to catch the hairy beast in the pond that was only sometimes there… (insert Twilight Zone music….). Even though it is a tad childish, it is a must-have for everyone.
Halo
Release Date – 11/2003
Used $10.99
Ebay $18 (which makes no sense…)
Erm, all I have to say about this game is, “DUH!” This game causes wet dreams for every teenage boy I know. In fact, the University of Washington had to put a ban on “Halo hours” because there was excessive shouting in every dorm on campus after 8pm. Every person I’ve talked to has played Halo, and at every party involving two or more dudes, this is the game of choice. Even if it is not the best game in the world, it is the most well-known multiplayer besides Goldeneye that exists. If you haven’t played this game, you are a loser, party of one.
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Release Date – 10/2003
Used $7.99
Ebay $5-10
Yes, this game is also available for the PC, however, I played it on Xbox, so there! Many may be thinking, “What? A Star Wars RPG? Not a FPS? How is this possible!?” Yes my friends, it is an RPG, although not exactly a traditional one. But that is beside the point. This is one of the best Star Wars games to have come out so far. Not only does KOTOR have a ton of content, it is actually fun to play. Lightsabers or guns? Light side or dark side? Your choice of actions determines which side you end up on. Be warned: those who choose the dark side lose their sunny complexion and age by around fifty years. It’s sad that this game has more of a compelling story than the three prequels being produced at the time. And the best part? No Jar Jar!!!
Gamecube
The Legend of Zelda: The Windwaker
Release Date – 4/2003
New $19.99
Ebay $7-10
One of the few Gamecube games to sport a stellar report card, Windwaker is a great addition to the Zelda collection. Don’t be fooled by the cartoon characters! The cell-shaded graphics are impressive and make for a great backdrop for the story. This game packs everything one would expect in a Zelda game, dungeons, bad guys, cool accessories, a girl to save, and Ganon. Also, it is surprisingly (and satisfyingly) violent… just look at the way Ganon goes out! There is a ton of exploration in this game, as most of it takes place in the ocean hunting for little islands. If you have a Gamecube, this game is one of the best for the console.
Lego Star Wars – PS2, Gamecube, Xbox
Release Date – 5/2005
New $19.99
Ebay $10
This game did come out for every console, but after trying it on Gamecube and Xbox as well, I decided to lump it under the PS2 category. Isn’t it sad how many of the best Star Wars games have nothing to do with the movies at all? KOTOR is like this, and we all know that the cast of the Star Wars prequels are not Lego characters. Simply put: this game is easy and extremely fun. Basically two buttons control your force and lightsaber and your goal is to kill as many baddies as you possibly can! Also, it is possible to play as every character in the game, opening up a number of possibilities for sidequests (such as collecting all of those pieces to build more spaceships!). One drawback is that the multiplayer sucks, but if you’re looking for a Star Wars single player, this game is the one. The Original Trilogy is coming out in September…..I can’t wait to see Harrison Ford as a Lego character….hawt……
A few of these games were released for the original Playstation. For those who have those wee portable PS1’s, I’ve specified which games were released before PS2.
Final Fantasy VII – PS1
Release Date – 9/31/1997
Ebay $20-30
This game has recently increased in price due to the release of Advent Children, but if you’re willing to shell out the dough, this game is well worth it. FFVII broke my pre-pubescent heart several times, as did many other Final Fantasy games. Something about love triangles, a girly bad dude, and girly dudes in general attracts me to play this game over and over again. Now I’m not really into girly dudes, (shut up Alan) but the adventure keeps drawing me back. One of the last of the truly explorative FF games, FFVII lets you decide your own path. Also, hidden characters, chocobos, and materia demand attention after the initial twenty hours of gameplay. Don’t miss this cult classic, because Advent Children is great and the release of FFVII: Dirge of Cerberus promises to answer many of the questions that went unanswered in the game.
Final Fantasy X
Release Date – 12/17/2001
New $19.99
Ebay $7-10
Have you ever felt backstabbed by a video game? If not, FFX will grant you your first opportunity. As engaging as FFVII but with way better graphics, FFX ranks alongside VII as one of the greatest Final Fantasy games of all time. Introducing an interesting turn-based system that allows you to switch between characters during battle, FFX calls for more strategy and planning than previous games. Also, FFX is the first in the series to be almost completely linear. Unfortunately, this takes a lot of the exploration factor out of the game. But do not despair; FFX packs a punch with its graphics and character development. That’s right, you actually care about the characters this time. With the addition of Rammstein to the soundtrack (great German shouting!!!), FFX claims to have one of the most recognizable soundtracks in gaming history. Warning: don’t waste your time or money on FF X-2, sadly it does not offer an answer to X’s ending cliffhanger.
Kingdom Hearts I
Release Date – 10/20/2002
New 19.99
Ebay $15
No, dammit, you don’t have to love Disney to play this game. And it’s not for 7th graders either. Although Kingdom Hearts implements the genius idea of putting Final Fantasy and Disney characters together, it doesn’t dumb the plot down enough to make adults feel like little kids again. Kingdom Hearts also boasts impressive graphics and a compelling story. This game is worth the money even if you just buy it so you know the story behind Kingdom Hearts II. Luckily, all of the problems in 1 have been fixed in II, including the stubborn camera. Kingdom Hearts II is an equally great game, but at a price of fifty dollars, it isn’t cheap enough to be included on this list.
Dragon Quest VIII
Release Date – 11/15/2005
New $29.99
Ebay $22-25
Dragon Quest may not be as popular in the United States as the Final Fantasy series, but it is quickly catching up. In many ways, the two series are similar. If you are a fan of one, you will be a fan of the other. However, the CG scenes in DQ are not as eye-catching as FF. DQ VIII has the same kind of graphics as Zelda: The Windwaker: cell-shaded, which make for some pretty impressive overworld gameplay. Now that this game has finally become more affordable, it is a must-have to your game library. (If you don’t believe me, read the review!)
Well there you have it, the greatest games for the least amount of moola that I could possibly think of. Now save your quarters and go buy a damn game!