Internet Cowards

Today’s society practically warrants communicating by electronic means… either by instant messaging or email.  The great thing about that is that your message is almost instantly delivered and received, but the downfall is that people are getting used to straightforwardness to the point of being rude.  This behavior would not be acceptable if you were dealing with the same person face-to-face.

This is further coupled with the safety of anonymity that people receive when communicating on the Internet.  Nearly everyone is racist or otherwise intolerant of something, and you can easily find a cliche of people who feel exactly the same way you do.  If you are teased by someone at school, then you can get your frustrations out and have them heard by many different people.

The problem with putting your thoughts out into the Internet is that it can (and probably will) be read by those whom you don’t want to read it.  Many people have been fired, marriages have been broken, and others humiliated, scorned or beaten because someone found out some “private” information.

Now that my semi-broken preamble is written, I come to the point of this article… that email and other electronic messaging has made people cowards.

Nobody really has to interface with real people anymore.  Children ask for money from their parents, workers “call in sick” to their bosses, and people even break up or even divorce; all without having to deal with the confrontation or questioning of the other party.

While one is not exactly anonymous when sending an email, the electronic medium allows us to get every single issue off our chest, without rebuttal.  Many people who have a chip on their shoulder find that when they start talking about what bothers them, the issue snowballs into a large venomous pile of crap.

Also keep in mind that a lot of the meaning behind words can be misunderstood.  People pick up a lot from the context and tone of your voice.  People can tell if you are nervous or are lying, which is probably why people choose the electronic communique.  On the flip-side, people can also be pursueded or inspired by your confidence, or positive tone of your voice.

There have been several incidences where I would rather have hid behind the invisible, protective shield of the Email, but confronting people, no matter how unpleasant, was the right thing to do.  I am not the best at confrontation either, and I usually get flustered and leave feeling frustrated that most of my points were not “heard” or otherwise received.

The other day I had to deliver bad news to someone, and their dead silence was hard to decipher.  Were they disappointed, shocked, angry, or all of these emotions in one big ball?  They were used to communicating through email, and were simply ill-equipped to settle a confrontation.

Instead of talking about it or trying to work something out, they fired off a 3-page manifesto; the purpose of which I still cannot understand.  If the point was to win me to their point of view, then they severely missed the mark.  If the point was to get their feelings off their chest then they probably feel better but lost everything else.  In addition to losing what they wanted, they also lost a friend and colleague.

There are ways to “win friends and influence people”, and one of the best books on the subject was written by Dale Carnegie in the 1930s.  This book should be re-written for today’s age, and the number one rule should be:

Email is never an effective persuasion tool

The aforementioned immature email response is practically the same as a 5-year-old throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get what they wanted.  Just because teenagers and adults can use larger words and type them on a keyboard does not mean they have matured beyond a toddler.

I know several high school and elementary teachers, and each one has observed how practically every one of their students use “text speak“. Most of these kids were not even born when cell phones only had number pads (thus the need for brevity in a text message), and many have adopted it because it is a “cute” way to talk.  I’ve even known of some people who will speak out “LOL” rather than laughing, which makes me want to cave in their skull with a frying pan.

 

In Washington State, spelling is not a required curriculum, and it certainly shows.  Most kids sound out words phonetically, which leads to gems like “osim” (awesome).

While text speak or L33t Speak can be fun, it is only endearing when used by those who actually have a grasp on proper spelling and grammar.  When a formal term paper has words like “ur” “omg” and “l8r” in it, then it’s time to resume corporal punishment… on the parents who let this happen.

Would you rather be “right” or would you rather get results?

It’s okay to do a brain dump on the keyboard to get your feelings out.  But before you hit the send button, ask yourself if you really would say these things if the other person were in the same room.  If the answer is no, then leave the Send button alone.

Even Abraham Lincoln, one of the most revered and respected American figures, wrote several long angry letters to his generals during the Civil War, but never sent them.  These letters were never sent because they had already fulfilled their purpose… the President had gotten his feelings out.  Sending those letters would have done more harm than good.

Use some common sense.  Let people know you’re actually human with feelings by talking to them directly, and you’ll be amazed at what you can get accomplished.

If nothing else, you can hang your head high knowing that you’re no coward.