Tips When Calling Game Phone Support

As a representative of one of the largest video game makers in the world, I am on the telephone with the good people of the United States to help them get their problems resolved.  I would like to say that most of the time these calls are clear and straightforward, but sadly they are not.  We have all the tools to help you, but I have found that it is usually the consumer that ends up making things difficult.

This article is intended to help you poor souls who need support with their game console.  If you follow these rules, then everything will be fine, and if you don’t then things will probably be difficult for you.

General Conduct

Please speak clearly and be respectful.  Do not talk to us like we are your “homies” or “baby mama” or any of the other slimeballs that choose to spend time with you.

Don’t be vague.  We aren’t mind readers.  Starting off with “Yeah, uh, I put my thing in the doohickey and now my game doesn’t do nuffing” is not a good way to get your problem resolved.

If you’re going to be nasty to a rep, remember that they are probably temporary help, get paid very little, have access to your personal information, and could be, in fact, a completely insane stalker with a chip on their shoulder.

Don’t curse at us or use abusive language.  We are people, just like you, and we are trying to help you.  We have the right to hang up on you if you’re being a dick.

We can only help with products we make.  We don’t support guitar controllers made by Activision or wireless fitness accessories from another company.  Use some common sense.

We answer the phones with an application on our computer.  The “hang up” button and “hold” button are right next to each other and look amazingly similar.

We really don’t mind talking to kids if they have their stuff together.  If you’re a kid calling to get your console fixed, be prepared to act like a grown-up.  We will probably need a credit card at some point, and you’ll need to know what email is and how to print stuff on a printer.  If you don’t then wait for your parents to get home.

If your kid rubs off the serial number, you’re probably going to pay to get it fixed.

Kids don’t respect property, especially when they didn’t earn it.  It’s more likely that your kid abuses their expensive toy than the screen spontaneously cracks for no reason.  The reason your game won’t load is more than likely jelly beans in the cartridge slot than corroded pin contacts.  And power jacks don’t spontaneously yank themselves out.

If you’re calling to unlock Parental Controls then don’t sound like a kid.  Don’t giggle with your friend thinking that you’re pulling one over on us.  We will ask you if you how old you are.  If you say you are over 18, then we will ask you for the year you were born.  If you don’t have an immediate answer then we will probably hang up on you.

Don’t try and lie to the rep about the warranty date.  We know more than you think we do.

The manufacturer’s warranty doesn’t cover physical damage.  If you bought a car and then wrapped it around the tree in a drunken stupor, would you expect it to be covered by warranty?  A cracked screen is never a manufacturer’s defect, and is never covered under warranty.

If you send in your product for repair, we will know if you spilled Diet Dr. Pepper all over it, which negates the warranty, and you will pay for the repair.  Don’t lie to us when trying to get a free warranty repair.

Yes, a hacked console will be shipped back to you quicker than a jack rabbit on a date, and you will be blacklisted.  It doesn’t matter if you bought your console from a friend or Ebay.

Other Things To Know

The company I work for does drug testing, even for common prescription drugs. That doesn’t mean that everyone is drug-free, but that clever ones procure someone else’s urine for the test.  Drug tests don’t do anything other than make the executives feel better.

Yes, we have tips and tricks on games, and no we won’t give them to you.  If you are stuck on a puzzle, we will only give out a hint to your dumb ass just to prove that your game is in fact, not broken so you won’t demand your money back.

Yes, you DO need to have your device with you.  We can’t troubleshoot it if it’s at your daughter’s house 3 states away, and we can’t issue a repair without a serial number.

No, we can’t provide advice on a competitor’s product.  As far as we’re concerned, ours is the only gaming console in existance.

No, we don’t have any parts for a console that’s 20 years old.  Check Ebay and garage sales.

Yes, we know which stores have new product shipments, and no, we can’t tell you.

Ninety-Nine percent of the time, it IS user error.

Even if we know the answer, there are procedures we have to follow.  Please understand this if we ask stupid questions or seem to be taking a long time.

If you’re a good loyal customer then you’re more likely to get exceptions and accomodations made for you.

We keep notes on you.  If you call wanting a refund on a game you purchased, we are going to see the notes from the last time you tried to scam us.

If you bought something from Ebay, don’t expect it to still be covered under warranty.  And yes, sometimes people on ebay will sell you broken merchendise.  Take it up with Paypal.

Why are you calling us if you purchased an extended warranty from the retail store?  We don’t have anything to do with these scams.  The “extended” warranty usually only kicks in after the manufacturer’s warranty.  If you drop your console right outside the store door right after you purchase it, then it will have to come in for repair.

The retail store will not take it back after you leave the store.

In Closing

Phone support is there to help you, and our ultimate goal is to get a working game console in your hands.  You have game console, you spend money on games.  You buy games, the companymakes money… a lot of it…

Unfortunately most companies don’t throw this money at the phone support.  Do you think that front-line phone jockeys get raises when the company makes hundreds of millions of dollars on a new console?  The representatives who are taking your call are probably on your side and understand your situation, because they probably make less money than you do.

So please call phone support when you’re having trouble with your game console… just make sure you’re polite and use some common sense.