I’d like to pause for a minute and provide you with an article I found recently.
Taken from the Seattle Gazette:
Seattle- A recent study involving the preparedness of Seattle area residents has found that despite public awareness and a rather large county budget for the defense of zombie attacks, the area is primed for a zombie uprising. The study, conducted by the League of Women Zombie slayers and their counterparts, The Ash Campbell Institute for Smiting the Undead, revealed that Seattle as a whole is lacking the rudimentary tools for adequate zombie defense. “For goodness sake’s we’re a bunch of meaty treats just waiting to be gobbled up by the undead!” Ana Polley, head of the League of Women Zombie Slayers was quoted as saying at last month’s Zombie Prevention and Elimination conference held at the Seattle Red Lion. “We’re merely fourteen volunteers, how could we possibly stave off an attack of that magntude, should Seattle fall!” “Seattle has some of the worst gridlock in the country, everyone would try and escape on I-5, it would jam up so fast, the zombies would just work their way from car to car, becoming a massive crowd of brain craving, Starbucks drinking zombies!”
Nathan Romero, assistant to the chairman of the Ash Campbell Institute further acknowledged the serious lack of planning by city government by offering up this quote. “Seattle has always been a prime target of the undead, there are urban cemetaries all throughout the city.” “Studies show that although slower then most live humans, a Zombie can easily overpower two or three average men in mere seconds.” “And let’s not forget that Bruce Lee lay here as well, and lord knows what kind of damage he could do once reanimated, I shudder to think of it.”
In fact our questioning got us no where with the Mayor’s office and when asked what happened to this year’s zombie defence budget of $58.99, one city official who asked to remain annonymous, did offer up this fact. “The money is gone, I think we spent it on a couple of Pagliacci’s pizzas one night.” It would seem that the city government does not take the Zombie threat seriously.
The League and the Institute are however, not ready to throw in the towel, they constantly pass out pamphlets in Pioneer Square and Pike Place Market, trying to make sure that Seattle residents take their own precautions in the event of a Zombie outbreak. Warning everyone to have plenty of nails, hammers and scraps of wood near every door and window in the house in order to quickly baracade themselves in if necessary. To keep a genreous supply of water and food and coffee in the pantries in order to ride out the initial wave and wait for the National Guard to show up with flame throwers. And last but not least, practice those head shots with your ranged and melee weapons, the only way to put a zombie down for good, is to destroy the brain.
