Best Fantasy:
What Won:Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
What Should have Won: Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic or Zelda The Wind Waker
Producers Reasoning: I’m glad they have two games right here in the sea of crap that is the rest of the winners. KOTR was an awesome game, but it really didn’t go up against anything so I guess that isn’t saying much. Why is Zelda nothing? Because you aren’t a gamer if you play Zelda. This is the award show for gamers remember?
Best Sports:
What Won:Tony Hawk UnderGround
What Should have won: Uh, didn’t Madden 04 win game of the year?
Producers Reasoning: I think I should change that to Producers Logic, because this confuses me. How does Madden beat out Hawk, yet lose in the sports slot? Hawk was better IMOP but I know nothing about sports games, so I can’t really vouch here. I think the producers just said “Screw it,” at this point.
Best Online:
What Won:Final Fantasy XI
What Should have won: FFXI or Battlefeild 1942, I think Battlefeild had a much better audience of gamers and non gamers alike.
Producers Reasoning: During the time of the awards, the producers looked at a young intern. This intern, named Mickey, wanted to have input on everything. He saw what was happening as he was a dedicated gamer himself. Then they said: “Here, name the best online game, and we’ll give you a full time job, a buncha money, and input on how to screw up Joe Schmo next year” The intern did his duty.
Best FPS:
What Won:Call of Duty
What Should Have Won: Halo
Producers Reasoning: Both are pretty damn good games, and I am not about to start a war. But if these guys are supposed to be gamers, wouldn’t they pick Halo? Wasn’t that like the coolest thing next to GTA that year? Or the year before that? Wait…Halo came out a few years ago for the X-box, my timings off.
Best PC:
What won:Halo
What Should Have Won: Again, if COD wins best FPS, how does Halo win best PC?
Producers Reasoning: I take back what I said, Halo, being the overated bad game that it is should have won here. But then it should be better than COD? This is more difficult than Calculus.
Best Handheld:
What Won:Splinter Cell (I read some people think this may be the N-gage version…yes that store bought piece of crap that lasted shorter than a new Fox Sitcom)
What Should Have Won: Hell, anything but this. I’ll go with Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. Castlevania wasn’t too bad either. I guess any good game will do-which compared to N-Gage is the entire library of GBA games.
Producers Reasoning: By this point in the show, it was obvious we knew these guys knew nothing about video games. I think after everyone was gone, including the nominees they were like “We have free TV time, heh heh heh, lets have Splinter Cell win best handheld”
I hate those producers.
Best Fighter:
What Won:WWE Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain (note: I spat my beer out onto my monitor when I watched this in disbelief)
What Should have Won: Soul Calibur 2
Producers Reasoning: You have a copy of Braveheart in one hand, and Waterworld in the other. You want to pick the greatest movie in the world, what do you do? Hell, Waterworld has a cooler title, I’ll go with that.
That’s exactly how this award went down.
VGA Hall of Fame Inductee:
What Won: The Dot from Pong
What Should Have Won: [OC]modshop’s very own shock collumnist El Pato
Producers Reasoing: If you think I am an idiot for nominating myself in the video game hall of fame, think of what they were huffing when they made WWE Smackdown the best fighting game. At least I would make the award show slightly more credible and save it by accepting my award, then promptly pulling down my pants and having crazy bondage sex with Jenna Jameson…on stage. WHOHOO! We just got our ratings back up!
Most Anticipated Game for 2004:
What Won: Halo 2
What Should Have Won: Metal Gear Solid 3 was a decent contender, but Halo 2 was pretty big, I’ll go with it.
Producers Reasoning: They showed the nominations for this and it was the only category to do so. I am thinking they thought they were losing time and at this point were like “Oh we gotta extend a few more minutes. I guess they had to hype something.”
Best Music:
What Won: Def Jam Vendetta
What Should Have Won: Something that actually had decent orchestra or midi.
Producers Reasoning: Forget it, I don’t know what they were smoking to think of this. This was like a bad joke.
That was the show. Don’t think I’m done yet, I’m gonna keep this up in my collumns for the next few weeks. For now, I’m out. By the way, don’t forget to drop me a line and tell me what you thought of the awards.
El Pato Outo
